Asking The Tough Questions Part 2: Schoolyard Rules

Everyday I read about how the government is in the divorce business. How the system is making tons of money by breaking up families, handing the moms the kids and the dads the bill. I hear how crippling the amount of child support is and how unfair the laws are. I read things like the Bradley Amendment and 42-666 and am forced to agree.

Ok so color me convinced. Now tell me how we can convince Uncle Sam and his minions to simply cease breaking up families for profit?

Rallies? Protests? Be serious. We are not talking a Million Man March here. We are talking about small groups of guys having to take a day off work to stand around waving a few banners.

Letters/phone calls to politicians? C’mon people…these are the same politicians who are taking your money. Do you think reminding them of that fact is going to somehow make them stop?

Vote against them? Well yeah you can certainly threaten them with that, in your letters of protest—problem is they know it’s an empty threat. Father’s rights groups each have their own agendas and there’s way too much infighting. Hell we can’t even agree on what to call ourselves…do you really think we can all agree on which politicians to vote for?

And even if we could… we can’t.

We are handcuffed by our non profit status. The same thing that allows us to get grants from the gov’t stops us from endorsing any politician. We are being effectively paid off and muzzled by Uncle Sam.

This is not rocket science. This is as basic as schoolyard rules. This is about bullies taking our lunch money ‘cause they know we can’t hit back. Our hands are tied by a lack of numbers a lack of unity and our 501 c3 status.

As a child I attended an inner city public school. I was naïve and innocent. My well meaning parents had sheltered me from the realities of the street.

So when the first kid in my class shoved me I did not shove back. Others noticed. Pretty soon the shoves became slaps and the slaps became a daily shakedown for my lunch money.

My parents complained to the school, which accomplished nothing since most of these attacks were unseen or off school property. The kids were warned to leave me alone.

All that did was further incite these little punks and they started breaking my glasses as an incentive for me to keep my mouth shut.

So my parents decided to tell these kids parents, not realizing that many of them came from abusive homes with parents who actually encouraged their kids to earn their lunch money by shaking down the weaker kids.

Ironically I wasn’t one of the weaker kids in my class; in fact I was actually one of the strongest. I just didn’t know how/when to hit back.

My parents love me, and they certainly meant well. But all their protests and angry letters did was cause me even more beatings.

This continued until one day when a kid made the mistake of implying that my mother was shall we say promiscuous, and I finally hit back. Hard. Knocked the kid on his ass and left actual dents in his face. (He later tried to blame the dents on rings, but everyone knows I don’t wear jewelry.)

Other kids noticed. And just like that I was no longer picked on. Because bullies are just cowards who prey on those who can’t or won’t fight back.

It’s a lesson I have carried with me my whole life. Because I have learned that in any situation there are always going to be those people who try and take advantage of others. Who mistake kindness for weakness.

For over 30 years the lawmakers, politicians, judges, lawyers, women’s special interest groups etc. have been kicking our asses and taking our lunch money. Hell they also take our breakfast and dinner funds too and call it child support.

Worst of all they steal our children from us and have the balls to say they are doing so “for the best interest of the child.”

Cripes, I’ll say this much for the punks who stole my lunch, at least they were honest about their intentions as they sat down in front of me and ate it.

Thanks to Dr Mark Klein (who paid for a bunch of us to attend The Leadership Institute) I have learned a few things about politics.

One of the things that really sank in was how minority groups can manage to be so influential. Using the gay & lesbian community as an example. He (one of our host/speakers) said what makes that group truly a political force is the fact that they are very well organized, and perhaps most importantly they vote on issues. Not candidates, not party lines—but the issues that that are key to their cause.

We were taught that it’s actually a small percentage of people who even bother to vote. And out of that small percentage you have many people who are going to vote strictly along party lines regardless of who is on their party’s ballot.

So it’s those few people who are left, the ones who do intend to vote but are on the fence about who to vote for whom political advisors target. Especially in tight, hotly contested races, because in places where a few thousand or even a few hundred votes can mean the difference between being elected or being unemployed—these people are the swing votes who can actually decide the race.

We need to unite; we need to form a strong PAC. We need to figure out where these tight races are, where these politicians, judges etc. are most vulnerable. We need to target these swing votes, and start effecting elections in ways that benefit us.

Right now our efforts are simply too random, we are all over the place. And what are we accomplishing?

A few seconds on a local news station? A few lines in a local newspaper?

Do you honestly think we are making a lasting impact?

But imagine the impact we could make if we worked together as a cohesive unit, if we put aside our differences to fight our common enemy (the system) if we had a strong PAC and focused all our efforts where they can truly make a difference.

I say we start small. We focus on a judge or local official who meets two simple criteria:

1) He/she is not at all interested in equality for both parents in custody cases and has an opponent who is and 2) He/ she is in a tight race for reelection.

Tight enough that a wave of phone calls, emails etc. to local residents could cause someone to lose just a few points with the voters.

Tight enough that a bunch of us descending on said town dressed as superheroes & carrying picket signs could move just enough people off the fence to swing an election.

That day I stood up for myself and hit back was the last day anyone ever took my lunch money. I didn’t have to fight every kid who had picked on me, hitting one sent the message loud and clear that I could and would hit back if forced too.

But we’re not even talking about lunch monies here-- these bastards are taking our children and sending us the bill for it. They have been doing so with impunity for several decades now.

So our game plan needs to radically change.

We need to get smart. We need to help a few people get into and out of public office. We need to swing a few close elections.

And in doing so, send the message that we are united, that there is a price for stealing our children, and that price is an early retirement from public office.

My only question is why aren’t we already actively doing this? Why are so many of the so called leaders of the father’s rights movement unable to see the simple logic of this?

And please don’t tell me that uniting the various groups is a lost cause—anyone whose fighting for father's rights obviously doesn’t believe in the no win scenario or they’d have gotten out long ago.

I look around and I see some of our so called leaders claiming we are making progress. I see some of the larger groups claiming to have over 10,000 members and growing.

Ok now pay attention class. Having a bunch of small father’s rights groups claiming to be an affiliate of a much larger one is unity on paper only.

Seeing new fathers rights groups form is not necessarily progress. Especially if they are really just a group who splintered off from a larger one so they could have their own acronym.

Note; just because you can string together a bunch of letters that collectively form an acronym—does not mean you must feel compelled to do so.

The Boise United Men Fighting Unfair Child Kustody or B.U.M.F.U.C.K might look great on a bumper sticker but no one is gunna know (or care) what it stands for.

Its time to start pushing the so-called leaders of some of these groups to face reality and unite. It’s time to put aside egos and ideological differences. It’s time to worry less about what the best acronym is and worry more about how to effectively influence those who stand between us and our kids.

Can you imagine trying to coach a group like this? Having a quarterback who won’t throw the ball because he wants to keep it for himself. An offensive lineman who won’t block because he doesn’t agree with the half backs style of running. Throw in a few defensive ends who refuse to sack the quarterback because they fear it might be too controversial and a kicker who won’t punt because he feels doing so sends the wrong message –and ya pretty much have our current father’s rights movement.

Why is it so damn near impossible to get these various groups to unite? I mean none of us are in this for profit…right??? None of us are making money off the suffering of non custodial parents…right???

And we can all agree (I hope) that the important thing here is the best interest of the children and that the best parent is both parents. I assume we can also agree that the child support system is corrupt and the states are getting rich off dads who have become little more then ATM’s with feet.

Parental alienation is bad….

A presumption of joint custody is good….

And so on and so on.

We need to agree to sit down and come up with a list of things we can all agree on like the things I have listed above, we need to build on that. We need to understand we aren’t going to agree on everything, and we need to agree to disagree. We need to compromise and find a middle ground between groups that are afraid to even say father’s rights and others who want to spray paint those words on the side of the fricken space shuttle for all to see.

We need to be able to offer those who join in our fight one well organized group to belong to, with clearly defined intentions and a well thought out plan to achieve them.

We wonder why more dads don’t get involved. Don’t join us in fighting for our kids. Well honestly—what exactly do we have to offer them? A t-shirt? A coffee mug? Perhaps an AA style support group so they can listen to other dads vent about how unfair the system is? Of course there’s also the endless articles, blogs, books etc. that talk about how screwed up the family court system is and how it screws up your kids (as if they somehow need to be reminded of that.)

Hey maybe we can even throw in a few lessons on how to file a motion pro se?

That way when their appeals almost inevitably get turned down—well at least they can say they dotted the I’s and crossed the T’s.

Yes, half the problem is getting more non custodials to join.

But the other half?

That’s giving them something that’s actually worthwhile to join…..

P.S. Here’s something that a united front could help make happen right away; a link some of you may not have noticed http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18826755/ please spread it around to everyone you know and ask them to write down a summary of their own stories. I would also ask that you guys all mention Dr. Klein in there as well as both a champion of our cause and Presidential candidate. That can only help get their attention.

Non-Custodialy yours,
Joe Carruba


(Please note that since I belong to so MANY non-custodial online groups, it will be impossible for me to receive daily updates from each, so if you wish for me to see your response (and be able to answer it) please post it in the comment section of this blog or send me a copy of your reply by emailing me directly at thesaint_959@yahoo.com and please be sure to let me know which forum you saw &replied to this in...thanks.)

Asking The Tough Questions Part 1

You know it’s funny how I never get invited to family functions. My cousin explained it to me years ago-- why it is that I am such a black sheep. It’s because of my inability to be a “yes man.” To kiss ass. To just go along with the program and not make waves.

So why then (I asked) is it that I am usually the first one these same people call when the shit hits the fan?

“Because people trust you Joe (he answered) they know you are straight with them.”

I guess if I have to choose between being popular in this movement or being trusted…well lets just say I’m not gunna get invited to many father’s rights picnics.

I know some of you would prefer I join you in admiring the emperor’s new clothes. But when I see some guy walking bare ass down the street I’m gunna tell him to cover his fat ass or I’ll have the cops do it for him.

And I don’t care who he is or what fancy title he may carry.

Lately I find myself asking the tough questions about father’s rights, the movement et al. And I am not at all happy with the conclusions I am reaching.

I keep asking myself “Why?” Why has the father’s rights movement regressed over the past 30 years? Why are there an estimated 2000 father’s rights groups out there with an average of 5 members, instead of one large powerful organization? Why do we all keep preaching to the quire, sending each other posts about yet another dad being violated and the courts showing utter bias? (And) Why are some people so upset when I talk about uniting the many groups into just one?

This bit of soul searching leads me to wonder why anyone even bothers to keep fighting what seems like such a hopeless battle?

It’s the answer to that last question that disturbs me the most.

As I see it, there are really only 3 possible reasons why someone would stay involved long term in this movement.

1) You realize this is most likely a lost cause, but you love and miss your child/ren enough to keep fighting anyway.
2) Your nuts. A fanatic. Maybe you weren’t always that way, maybe losing your kids and getting screwed over every which way by such a corrupt court system made ya that way. But regardless of how or why; your elevator no longer reaches the top floor. Period.
3) You are in this for your own agenda. Making as much money as possible by selling memberships to your organization-- along with coffee mugs, books and t-shirts that say “Dad’s have Rights!”

Bullshit. If dad’s had any rights they wouldn’t need a friggin t-shirt ta announce it.

When I first got into this I was naïve enough to believe that it was strictly a combination of stubborn male pride, paranoia and just plain ignorance that was keeping all these various groups from uniting to fight our common enemy; the system itself.

But I have slowly been forced to recognize that there is something else at work here as well. That there are guys making large amounts of money running their so called fathers rights groups, money they would have to share (or even forfeit) if they were forced to unite with others. That is why they have no interest whatsoever in changing the status quo. That is why they tell (people like) me I am wasting my time “herding cats.”

Perhaps what they really fear is me “hurting fatcats” like themselves.

I am a big believer in the old adage “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”

But that hardly applies in this case. We are losing ground and becoming more fractured every day.

Every week I must get 100 emails. Usually 1 of them is about a dad who actually won his custody/support case. The other 99 are about those who didn’t.

And if I hear one more new %^$#@! acronym for a father’s rights group I think I’m going to slap someone silly.

From now on I only wish to work with those who I consider true fathers rights advocates. Men (and women) who are in this for the right reason; the children.

Not those who are so far gone that they believe all men are great dads and all women are greedy sluts incapable of properly raising a child.

Nor will I support any group that seems content to “fight” for my rights to be with my child by routinely spouting equal rights rhetoric and asking me to donate $$$ so they can continue doing so. You guys can go rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic on your own dime.

But hey, I’m a reasonable guy. Prove to me I’m wrong here. Show me how I’m missing the big picture. How 2000 groups of 5 is better then one large group of registered voting dads.

Oh and while you’re at it, explain to me how pooling our resources is a waste of time. I mean how exactly would our suddenly being able to run national ads, organize national protests and recruit people nationwide be a bad thing?

Or better yet --how ‘bout ya explain to me (and the thousands of dads who support your little groups) How it is-- that despite the fact we are all sitting here at home wearing our “Dads Have Rights” t-shirts, sipping coffee from our “Equal Means Equal” mugs and re-reading copies of “How to Win Your Custody Battle in 5 Easy Steps”-- we are none of us closer to getting our kids back?!

This post is the first part of a series I intend to write candidly discussing the current state of the father's rights movement (as I see it) and changes I believe need to be made. I don’t pretend to be an all knowing Tony Robbins style guru on the subject. In fact I hope (if nothing else) my writings will spark debates and/or inspire others to speak up and offer their own ideas. I don’t have all the answers…but at least I’m not afraid to start asking the tough questions.

Non-Custodialy yours,
Joe Carruba


(Please note that since I belong to so MANY non-custodial online groups, it will be impossible for me to receive daily updates from each, so if you wish for me to see your response (and be able to answer it) please post it in the comment section of this blog.)

A Pittsburgh Rally complete with Speaker Reapers

Normally when I write these I try to stay on topic, but since it’s been awhile since I posted one and much has happened please indulge me if I jump around a bit on several tangents.

First let me issue a sort of apology/public service announcement. You may have noticed that the links to many of my original entries no longer work. That is because a few months back I was writing late at night and in my half asleep state I accidentally managed to delete all my posts here on Blogger.

Fortunately, being a writer—I tend to keep a copy of anything I write—so I was able to replace all but one of them. However since these are technically “new” posts the old links will no longer open for them. If/when I have time I am hoping to go around the net and change the links eventually. But for now you can just go to one of my more recent links and then scroll into the archives if you want to read my past works. (Sorry you won’t find your original comments/responses on here, as I did not have those saved on my PC, but I do remember them and appreciate your support.)

Apologies to Dan Diebolt and Dads of Michigan for missing your Equal Parents Week Rally last month, but traveling so much this past year has left my wallet and I both feeling a bit road weary. From the pics I saw and people I have spoken to—it seems like you guys put on a hell of a show. Was very sorry to have missed that one. But my brief “hiatus” is over and I am ready to come off the bench with a vengeance.

Four months of not seeing one’s own child tends to fuel one’s passion.

Luckily the next father’s rights event on my calendar is right here in Pa.

http://www.menscustodyshelternetwork.org/events2.asp

Am not sure if I am going to drive out to Pittsburgh for this one or take the train. But if you happen to see the Angel of Death reading the sports section of the NY Post on a westbound Amtrak—well that’ll be me.

I would urge everyone to come on out there so together we can really let the court system know we are tired of these bastards playing non-custodial-trick-or-treat with our children.

Let em know you are not a dead beat dad—but a beaten dead dad.

Allegheny County has a well earned reputation as one of the harshest (and most corrupt) in collecting child support. An estimated 30 percent of the population of the Allegheny prisons is made up of those behind in their child support.

Now I am sure some of these guys do in fact deserve to be incarcerated —but 30 PERCENT??!!

Would the number of child support related inmates be nearly so high if the states were not being so heavily subsidized by the fed to collect these monies?

Jeff Dick and his MCSN decided to ask that question. They have challenged Allegheny County and court administrator Patrick W Quinn to essentially open up the books and disclose just how much incentive money they have been raking in and where that money is actually being spent.

The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania has promised to investigate, but either they are so incompetent they can’t answer these simple questions …or they simply don’t want to.

Maybe a bunch of grim (reaper) daddy’s talking to the media will help Allegheny County recover from their sudden bout of fiscal amnesia.

The growing list of guest reapers who will be speaking—or “Speaker Reapers” includes;

Jeff Dick of The Men’s Custody Shelter Network
John Fowler and Judi Smith-Phelps of F4J
Dan Diebolt of Dads of Michigan
Tim Fittro of Men Against Discrimination
and
Curtis “General” Patton- Author of House Bill 888

Others are encouraged to come out and speak up, or if you are on your deathbed and simply can’t make it (hey we know how it is) perhaps send a few pesos to help cover the ghoulish expenses of waking the dead (not to mention permits, sound systems and such.) http://www.menscustodyshelternetwork.org/member.asp

Hope to see you there!

Non-Custodialy yours,
Joe Carruba



(Please note that since I belong to so MANY non-custodial online groups, it will be impossible for me to receive daily updates from each, so if you wish for me to see your response (and be able to answer it) please post it in the comment section of my blog.)

The Real Sporer Meets The Real Doubtfire

Dear Ted,

Someone was kind enough to email me a copy of your recent blog entry about your removal of Dr Klein from the presidential preference poll.

I’m going to copy and paste your words here so I can have another good laugh while writing my response to it.


Some of you may have noticed a recent upsurge in support for Dr. Mark Klein on the presidential preference poll. It turns out that the Klein votes weren’t a crank Democrat attempt to squirrel the poll but a reflection of a small groundswell of support for that candidate’s position on the importance of fathers in the lives of our children. The Iowa based “Children Need Both Parents” group found the Real Sporer and expressed their support for Dr. Klein.

Perhaps this otherwise anomalous voting pattern points to an overlooked issue in our conservative “family first” message. In a society that is altogether too atomized we need to ensure that fathers are more than ATMs in broken and blended families. The Democrat approach has been to focus on child support collection as the only contribution that Dads make-but where is our answer? Food for thought, eh? Maybe some Republican candidates will start talking about the very real non financial problems faced by broken and blended families.

But these Iowa political polls get watched in Washington. Dr. Klein has no chance of securing our nomination. If viewed from the prism of our first in the nation status we felt that resetting the poll would prevent national figures from trivializing the issue of fathers as a statistical quirk of a local blog poll.

Well to paraphrase a line from Blazing Saddles; Sporer you use your tongue prettier then a twenty dollar whore. No easy feat, considering you are talking out your ass.

In a country that has The Terminator as it’s California governor and Jesse “The Body” Ventura winning that seat in Minnesota; who the hell are you to say that “Dr. Klein has no chance of securing our nomination.”

“In a society that is altogether too atomized we need to ensure that fathers are more than ATMs in broken and blended families.”

Wow. Great sound bite there Teddy. But how exactly are you going to help ensure that father’s are more then ATM’s-- by removing the only potential presidential candidate who gives a damn about us (non –custodial dads) from your list?

Maybe some Republican candidates will start talking about the very real non financial problems faced by broken and blended families?

Umm earth to Ted-- a republican candidate IS talking about the very real non financial problems faced by broken and blended families. His name is Dr Mark Klein and some jackass just removed him from his presidential preference poll!

“But these Iowa political polls get watched in Washington.”

They do? So then you’re saying the powers in DC are ok with you rigging the Iowa poll??? Wow that’s a pretty powerful insinuation you just unwittingly made there Ted.

“If viewed from the prism of our first in the nation status we felt that resetting the poll would prevent national figures from trivializing the issue of fathers as a statistical quirk of a local blog poll.”

Oh yeah Ted, this way is indeed much better. Now everyone will know that you are indeed first in the nation…. at rigging polls that is!

The only thing more pathetic then your removal of Dr Klein from your poll is this half assed attempt to pacify the millions of non-custodial parents you are screwing-- by acting as though you are doing this to help us. Or as you put it to “prevent national figures from trivializing the issue of fathers.”

When it is in fact you Ted who are attempting to trivialize the issue of fathers by not allowing our voices to be heard in the form of votes for Dr Klein.

"The Democrat approach has been to focus on child support collection as the only contribution that Dads make-but where is our answer?"

Good point but apparently;
The Ted Sporer approach is to simply run from the question.

Sincerely yours,
Joe Carruba (AKA; one of the ATM’s you just robbed)

P.S I’ll be posting this all over the internet on my blog. That way other non custodials can tell you where to go park your prism.



Show Ted some love...
Ted Sporer, Esq.: EMAIL: chairman@polkgop.com
and be sure to comment on his blog...
http://www.therealsporer.blogspot.com/

The Touchdown Mentality

Talking to other father’s rights advocates is often a history lesson. No one seems to agree on when the movement started, but most seem to agree it’s been around 25-30 years or so.

There’s also disagreement over how much progress (if any) has been made in that time. Most don’t want to admit the obvious, that during those years we have regressed. No one wants to say it because it sounds like an indictment of those who did the fighting all those years. But it’s really not. Unless of course you are someone who “sold out.”

IE: You originally started a group to fight for dad’s rights but ended up padding your pockets and making a name for yourself but accomplishing little else. Then yes consider this an indictment of your character (or utter lack of) you are a disgrace to the movement, and instead of a gold watch, should be retired with a blindfold and cigarette.

But to those who fought the good fight for 10, 20 even 30 years…you should be proud of yourself. On the surface it may seem you accomplished nothing, but the truth is you have all helped lay the foundation for future victory. Even your mistakes are helpful if we (the current generation of advocates) are smart enough to learn from them.

Many people credit our loss in Vietnam for our easy victory in Desert Storm. Sadly our gov’t seems to have once again ignored history in its attempts to deal with Iraq this time around. But I’m not going to even go there.

I think one of (if not our biggest) problem, has been (and continues to be a lack of unity) but how can we unite under one flag if we can’t even agree what that flag should stand for?

Part of the problem is what I call the “touchdown mentality” (more on that later.)

It’s like you have this dad, and he ends up losing his wife, his kids, his house, his car etc. He is angry and hurt or just plain in shock.

Maybe deep down he still loves his wife. But she has already shacked up with Enrique the pool boy. This clown is living in a house you paid for, sleeping in your bed with your (ex) wife and your kids are even starting to call him daddy.

You still love your kids of course, but you’ll be damned if your gunna help pay for your wife to take salsa lessons with Enrique, especially since there is absolutely no guarantee that your ex will actually spend any of the money you give her on your kids.

Not that she even needs the money (people with pool boys are already well off.) Plus (unlike anything else in life that you pay for) paying your child support does not guarantee you visitation let alone custody. You stand their in furious disbelief. You had this crazy idea that anything in life you pay for is yours. But you watch helplessly as some Poor Man’s Matlock essentially carjacks your kids while his black robed accomplice traumatizes your paycheck so badly you have to send it for rape counseling.

But fear not (seeing you in trouble) the $200 an hour legal bodyguard you hired springs into action. He tells your ex’s lawyer that the courts can’t make you sell blood to pay your support because you are anemic, and they will simply have to settle for whatever is left of your paycheck after taxes. He also informs your ex’s lawyer in no uncertain terms that he has to reschedule their scheduled golf game next week because he is having brunch that day at the judge’s house. As he exits he hands you a bill in advance of your next beating. You begin to realize these bozo’s are all working together, getting rich separating you from your kids and you need some form of outside help.

Sound familiar?

When I lost my daughter one of the first things I did was to start google-ing for help. I found thousands of father’s rights groups, forums, chats etc. located here in the US and abroad, and my very first thought was “Oh Lord they are not even organized yet.”

There were (and are) some fairly large groups. Mostly though I found groups boasting all of 3 members with names like the Boise United Men Fighting Unfair Child Kustody or B.U.M.F.U.C.K (USA)

As I browsed such groups I found that many of the links were dead. Others were lawyers claiming to be father’s rights advocates in an obvious attempt to scare up some business.

Damn vultures.

The rest were mostly dads (and moms) pleading for help and/or recounting their individual horror stories. It was disheartening to see so many messages in the (internet) bottle. But at least it told me I wasn’t alone in this fight.

I also found a plethora of information and resources non-custodial parents were attempting to share with each other.

I say attempting because there was so much of it flying around, that it felt like trying to discern one conversation while sitting in the mist of 100. We are stepping on each other people. Our voices are drowning each other out. We need to get our message out not just to others who have lost their kids, but to the general public as well. And we need to get organized.

IE; I must receive (in my email box) a dozen posts a week on PAS. If I read one more posting on PAS (Paternal Alienation Syndrome) I will wish to be awarded a certificate as an expert on the subject.

I mean ok I get it; many custodial parents are brainwashing their children against their former spouse’s.

And we certainly need to fight against that. Just as we need to fight against bias in custody cases, abuse of protection orders and child support laws that leave men to broke to possibly fight back against all of the above.

My problem is, many individuals and groups seem to want to focus primarily on just ONE of these issues. Which to me makes about as much sense as a bunch of firefighters deciding they are going to save one house and let the rest of the neighborhood burn to the ground.

Now I am not saying any of you should stop fighting these individual battles.

But our biggest focus should be uniting all the groups out there large and small, because uniting is our best and only hope of putting an end to all the individual issues listed above and more.

This is not rocket science folks. This is common fricken sense.

But I think before we can even seriously talk about uniting we need to make sure we are all on the same page. And right now we can’t even agree on what to call a father’s rights group, let alone what one should stand for.

For instance, many seem to feel the words father or dad must be included in any name we use (just as they also feel that their solution has to be THE solution.)

Others feel that including the children somewhere in the name is what’s most crucial, to remind everyone that it is ultimately our kids rights to both parents which we are really fighting for.

You know what I think is the best name for a father’s rights group?

Whichever one is the most effective. Whichever one is going to help me get my child back the fastest and help others do the same.

Now I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t love to have such a group named after moi. Almost nothing could be sweeter then being the (father's rights) running back who scores the game winning touchdown by shedding a couple of (legal) defenders and causing the ref (judge) to choke on his whistle in disbelief.

Yes we all want to be the guy who scores that touchdown. We all want to be able to spike the ball right at our ex’s feet and say “Hand over my kid NOW you crazy bitch! And while you’re at it get a job, 'cause you and the state are all done salsa dancing on my dime!”

But as enjoyable as that would be for any one of us, I am more then content to be the guy nobody even notices. The one who makes the key block to spring the running back loose so he can get into the end zone.

Sure it’s not as glamorous to be that guy, but hey all I care about is winning this insane little non-custodial super bowl we are all being forced to play in.

Because you see, right after we win I’m going to Disney World…

…and I’ll be taking my kid with me!

Non-custodially yours,
Joe Carruba


(Please note that since I belong to so MANY non-custodial online groups, it will be impossible for me to receive daily updates from each, so if you wish for me to see your response (and be able to answer it) please post it in the comment section of my blog.)

It's time to adopt a foxhole mentality...

One of the things I hate with posting on the internet, is you are really limited in how much you can say. Say too much and no one will hear you. Say too little and people will be left to make their own (often incorrect) assumptions.

Now my last post certainly got some attention. Some people liked my ideas; others dismissed them as a noble but foolish quest. Some accused me of thinking I was a messenger of God promising to lead you all to the Promised Land.

And I also got to meet the spies, fanatics etc. More on that in my next post ;)

Now I am no prophet. And I am not trying to start my own group. I simply would like to see much more unity and cooperation on a local, state (and yes) national level.

Some of you hate my ideas for various reasons. Some are afraid my words will splinter an already splintered alliance. Others fear the opposite; that my words will help inspire and unite you in some way. But that’s ok.

I know trying to get you guys to work together on any level is difficult. If it were easy it would have been done long ago by those who have “been in the trenches” for 10-20 years.

These people seem put out that a relative newcomer like myself should open his mouth so strongly. They wish to know my credentials, my background, some ask “what have I done for the movement?” They seem to feel I need to pay my dues before raising my voice.

My credentials are these; I am a dad… a daddy… a parent…. a non custodial parent… a man who has had his heart ripped out of him and his child stolen from him by a documented sociopath with the courts blessing. I am a man who will not be satisfied by getting his child back. I am a man who has dedicated the rest of his life to fighting for equal custody and fair treatment for both parents, so that the lost time with my child isn’t for nothing.

I feel like the Lee Marvin character in the movie “The Dirty Dozen” trying to get a bunch of strong willed characters to work together. And to paraphrase Lee’s character, I almost wish you guys WOULD all hate me…at least then you’d all have THAT MUCH in common.

I am getting as bad as you guys, with these war analogies, but hey guess what… this IS a war. Only we too often don’t treat it as such. If I found myself in a foxhole with a bunch of other soldiers, here’s how I would look at em….

I would not care what sorta gun they were using (or if they were too liberal or conservative for my tastes) so long as that gun were pointed in the right direction. If they were a lousy shot I would try and help improve their aim (or in this case encourage them to learn about the law so they could better fight their own case) but I would still rather have em next to me even if their aim sucks, cause even the worst shot can get lucky once and awhile.

I would not worry about having the biggest foxhole or the most guys in it, and I would not keep count, nor boast of my kills. I would measure my success or failure on any given day in terms of how much damage I had inflicted upon the enemies in front of me and their overall effort.

I would encourage my unit to work together and to work with all the other units, sharing all intel and ammo. I would not tear down those in command positions, even if I didn’t always agree with their methods, so long as they were doing more harm (to the enemy) then good.

That is not to say I would follow them blindly over a cliff.

Even suspected spies/traitors would be welcome in MY foxhole, so long as their gun was pointed in the right direction. Even when their gun eventually ends up pointed at me; I’d still find a use for em. Their job would be to stay in front of me and collect as much of the enemies spent ammunition as possible.

I would not let the fact that the other side has so many female soldiers convince me that all females are my enemy.

I would welcome ANY who had the guts to fight along side me. I would remember that the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Some of you seem to have forgotten that this is a war, and instead of foxholes you are setting up &^%$# country clubs with ridiculously exclusive membership.

We can’t all be "Rambo"... some of us are more closely resemble "Forest Gump."

But you know what… that’s ok too.

Because at the end of the day…Forest Gump's Congressional Medal of Honor is just as big and shiny as Rambo’s anyway.

Joe Carruba

An Invitation

As many of you already know, Dr. Mark Klein (a renowned psychiatrist and well respected businessman) is currently in the “testing the waters phase” for a possible 2008 Presidential bid.

His core platform is the equal custody act. http://klein4change.com/

He is the only potential presidential candidate willing to make equal rights for non custodial parents an issue.

In the wake of the F4J debacle our movement needs to be more careful about whom we choose to support.

As an admittedly cynical man who has not seen nor heard from his own child in almost 2 years I would not waste my time nor allow my name to be linked to a pretender.

Dr. Klein is the real deal!

This man has all the trappings of a true leader. He has integrity, he has intelligence, he has compassion and he has the stones to stand up to these fat cat politicians right in their own house. I have (for instance) had the privilege to stand beside him and watch as he told the senate banking committee in no uncertain terms; they are destroying the middle class and they don’t know their assets from their elbows.

He is not in this for the money; in fact he has been funding this campaign out of his own pocket.

Now he is asking for our help.

He will be in Memphis, Tennessee March 9th thru 12th for the 2006 Southern Republican Leadership Conference. http://www.srlc.org/

Click on the link to “Register” and fill out the online registration form, and under the box marked “Party Credentials” check off “other” and write in that you are a Supporter of Dr. Mark Klein. That way they will know you are not there for free punch and cookies ;)

Dr. Klein will be there. I will be there. The politicians and media will be there. The leaders of the father’s rights/non custodial parent’s rights movement will be there.

The only question now is; will you be there???

Joe Carruba

"It's an Invisible Life"

http://www.freenewmexican.com/news/7878.html

Well as I see it, if the courts can order a man to pay for an invisible child, we need to heed their profound wisdom and make the world a more politically correct place for ALL invisible children. I think this poor woman and her child have been the victims of blatant discrimination.

As one invisible activist reminded us; “We need to look past the issue of visibility and see the person inside. Even the term “Invisible Child” is very offensive. We prefer to be called “Transparent Americans.”

Steve Barreras has already issued a formal apology to the child’s mother Viola Trevino for his lack of sensitivity; “If I had known the child was invisible I would have paid in kind and only sent invisible checks.”

Miss Trevino was unimpressed. “He’s a typical deadbeat dad, doesn’t give a damn about that child! He never even attended any school functions. This year our child was chosen to play the part of “The Ghost of Christmas Past" for a school play. But as usual Steve said he was too busy working overtime to pay his child support to come and see it.”

“When I told my child her daddy was simply too busy to come, it left her speechless!”

The Governor meanwhile has ordered a full invisible investigation to “Try and shed some light on this matter” but so far only invisible charges have been filed.

A spokeswoman for Miss Trevino said that in the unlikely event she ever faces real charges she intends to file suit against the state of New Mexico.

“My family has been devastated by this; it has left my child a shadow of her former self. The poor kid cried yesterday while reciting the pledge of allegiance at school….”

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, invisible, with liberty and justice for all.

A Wake Up Call

Fathers' rights

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
The Fathers' rights movement is a loose network of interest groups, primarily in western countries, established to campaign for equal treatment by the courts in family law issues such as child custody after divorce, child support, and paternity determinations.

Now granted, Wikipedia is hardly the world’s most reliable source of information, since readers have the ability to edit it themselves. However in this particular case I would say that paragraph is a very accurate summary of the current state of father’s rights.

We are disorganized and expending much of our energy fighting each other. I have talked to several of the long time father’s rights advocates about this problem.

Apparently there was an attempt made some years ago to get all the various father’s rights groups out there to unite under one flag. But after several days of arguing, the only thing they could ALL agree on was “men’s health issues.” They then spent time talking about their prostates (or so the story goes.)

Since I wasn’t at this meeting I can’t say exactly what went wrong. But just from my relatively short time in this war, I can pretty well guess, based on what I have already seen and heard.

We have people unwilling to put their egos aside. People who are apparently more concerned with making a name for themselves then of truly winning this thing.

When faced with a natural disaster the key is a well coordinated unified plan of dealing with it. If you doubt that, go ask the folks of New Atlantis (AKA; New Orleans.) Like when there is a major forest fire you see firefighters out there doing different things but it’s all a well coordinated group effort.

We don’t have that.

What we do have is 100 guys (ok more like millions) all taking off in 100 different directions because they believe only THEY know how to put out a fire.

So you end up with a bunch of guys using everything from fire hoses, to water pistols trying to put this thing out. Some are even diving head first into the flames in an attempt to smother them. As the fire spreads some people give up and go home (or to their local bar stool) while others turn the hoses on each other.

And people like me are left standing there shaking our head realizing why it is the father’s rights movement hasn’t accomplished much in the 35 years it’s existed.

Well my candor may make me unpopular with some of you, but hell I’m not in this thing to win miss congeniality. I want my kid back and I refuse to sit back and wait another 35 years for that to happen!

Whatever your original intent, I believe many of you have lost sight of whets really important here. Our enemy is the system. Not one another or the entire female population (as some of you seem to think.) Our goal is to get our children back… not see who can have the prettiest ^&&$$#! headquarters.

We need to make the politicians and judges fear our wrath the way they do with groups that ARE organized like the NAACP or AARP.

We need to show them that there are severe consequences for stealing our children. ANY of our children.

These are our kids. We need to put aside our philosophical, geographical and political differences.

Now I care about domestic security, the economy etc.... just like you.

But from now on I will vote for or against a politician depending solely on whether or not he intends to support family law reform and equal custody.

I don’t give a shit if he is a republican or democrat. Hell I wouldn’t care if I caught him goose-stepping across the parking lot, as long as he is going to use his seat in office to help me get my kid back!

Now we have a rare opportunity here folks. There is a man some of you have no doubt heard of named Dr. Mark Klein. He is seriously considering a presidential bid and his main platform is the equal custody act. http://www.equalcustodyact.com/

Now I have met Dr. Klein and spent some time with him. He is a good man, who has been putting up his own money to help us with our fight.

Some of you may agree with his political views, some of you may not. It shouldn’t matter to you. If it does you really need to reexamine your priorities.

We need to show this man he has our support. That is all he needs to see, to go from “considering” a presidential bid to formally launching one.

Now obviously he (Dr. Klein) knows he is a long shot candidate. But his odds of success dramatically increase if we non custodial parents can put aside our differences and rally in masse behind him.

Just him being in the race could change everything. Right now, if a presidential debate was held tomorrow, people would be talking about Iraq, and paying $3 bucks for a gallon of gas, and the issue of custody would never even see daylight...

Do you think Dick Cheney or Hillary or any of the other presidential hopefuls even HAS a position on custody or child support?

With Dr. Klein’s help they will damn well have to come up with one fast.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. Well folks …35 years of infighting has simply not gotten the job done. Oh we may have scored some small victories here and there, but the states are still taking away our children and sending us the bill with impunity!

As I see it, we can either spend another 35 years helplessly watching them do so. Or we can do the one thing that will make a difference. The one these corrupt bastards don’t want to see happen. We can unite!

First in support of Dr. Klein and then who knows…

Maybe if we can put aside our differences long enough to support this man, we can build on that and become more then merely “a loose network of interest groups”

Perhaps…a whole lot more.

Joe Carruba

A Non-Custodial Welcome

Greetings,

There is a war going on, and I am not referring to that disaster we are engaged in over in Iraq. Although many of the soldiers returning home from that ugly battle will find an even uglier one awaits them right here. I’m referring to the custody war. Here is but one example of it; http://www.woai.com/news/state/story.aspx?content_id=CC580570-C785-45A8-A52E-C63F6511E741

And here’s another… http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2003/11/10/MNGK82U6IC1.DTL

Now if you think the current custody laws aren’t totally screwed up, then consider what it’s like for these men and women to put there ass on the line for their country and as a “thank you” be stripped of their kids!

Not that it’s any less painful for the rest of us civilian non-custodial parents to sit back and watch the courts steal our kids.

Now in the past few months, I have learned quite a bit about The Custody War some of us are being forced to fight. I can actually say I have been to the front lines. Both in court and outside of it.

I have met (or learned about) most of the major players on the board. We in the father’s rights advocacy realm even refer to them and each other as “soldiers.” I have learned that in most cases men are severely discriminated against in custody hearings. That is not to say woman don’t also occasionally lose their kids wrongly as well. The courts stupidity on the matter knows no bounds. To these bastards our children are nothing more then case numbers with big dollar signs attached.

I feel really bad for dad’s who are new to all of this. They come to these father’s rights rallies in desperation and despair. Many with the misguided belief that we father’s rights advocates can just pick up a magic phone and tell some incompetent bias excuse for a judge; to give this guy his child back NOW!

Fraid it doesn’t work that way.

In fact in most cases we are in the same boat you are. I mean think about it, if we had such a magic hotline, don’t ya think we’d use it to get our own children back?

The truth is unless (like me) you have been to what we call “the front lines” chances are you really don’t have a clue how the war is going. That’s why I decided to create this blog.

To sorta bring back word from the front. To share with you what I see out there in my travels, both good and bad.

And along the way I also plan to plug my own website/novel which I created as a way of getting the truth out about how and why I lost my own child, something I was never properly given a chance to do in court. The website is appropriately entitled http://givebackmychild.com/ It’s free. Really.

I will also be plugging a man named Dr. Mark Klein who is seriously considering running for president on the equal custody platform; http://www.equalcustodyact.com/

This man gives non custodial parents a chance to drop an A-Bomb on the heartless lawmakers and judges who have so callously taken our kids away!

Anyway that’s all for now… As a parent who finds the holidays nothing but a grim reminder of what he has lost, I wish you all at least a tolerable holiday season and a big custody victory in the New Year.

Joe Carruba